Am I ever gonna change
Will I always stay the same
If I say one thing
Then do the other
It’s the same old song
That goes on forever…
“Am I ever gonna change,” Extreme
I’ve always loved this song, because too often it captures the struggle I’m caught in, or maybe I should say in part after this past month, the struggle I’ve been caught in. After at least two changes in September, and another one coming to my blogging in a couple of weeks, I can begin to answer the question: “Yes, I am gonna change and no, I won’t always stay the same.” As I said two weeks ago, “I think it might be time to sing, sing a new song.” and so it is.
At the time, I was writing about giving up hope on the newspaper industry after 15 years of being consumed by it and feeling a lot better. I won’t rehash what I already said there, but just add that the reason I resigned my part-time job as a newspaper correspondent two weeks ago wasn’t only because I am getting more hours at the library where I’m working part-time. The reason also was because as I’m gaining more time at the library, I’m also looking to gain more “personal” time in my life, which led to another change this past week as I worked my last day on Thursday as a volunteer at the local senior center that I had been volunteering for almost the past year and a half.
When I began there, I did it because I figured since I didn’t have a full-time job and was working two part-time jobs, I had the time to volunteer. I started by working in the kitchen of the center three to four days a week –responsible for helping serve meals and also cleaning pots and pans– and then a few months ago, I continued by delivering meals to the home-bound only two days a week…or to what some would refer as “Meals on Wheels.” I truly enjoyed my time in both capacities, getting to know the “regulars” at the center and the “regulars” on the routes I ran. I will be grateful for the time (see a theme here?) that I was able to learn not only about others, but also myself…
As my hours have increased at the library, I was getting crunched for time (one might even say “filled up with time” since I used the word “capacities” in the last paragraph) especially on Thursdays where I was going almost 12 hours straight. While for some who are used to that schedule, that might not be a big deal. However, for someone like myself, moving up from only a few hours a day to a whole day without a chance to catch my breath among getting up, volunteering at the senior center, squeezing in lunch and then going to work at the library, it was a big deal. I realized I didn’t have time for…
…physically, mentally or spiritually, getting back to the themes of this blog: body, mind and soul.
Now with my resigning from my correspondent job and my volunteering last month, I hope to have that time, or at least a little of it, each day, perhaps to go for a walk (what used to be a jog or a run), to read and comment on other blogs (what used to pass for conversation) and/or to meditate on spiritual readings (what used to be called Morning Prayer and was part of the Liturgy of the Hours I practiced). I just want to breathe a little more…isn’t that what we all want?