Cultwatch and Unfinished Person offer advice to disillusioned Camping followers

This morning I came across this article about a group called Cultwatch offering advice to people who believe that today, May 21, 2011, is when “The Rapture” will occur. Here are the group’s pieces of advice in the first part of the statement, and then my own pieces of advice, based off that advice, to those yahoos:

Don't panic!

Image by duncan via Flickr

  1. Be prepared to accept that you are wrong…and are now doomed to living in a world where Ashton Kutcher is on Two and a Half Men. It already was bad enough with Charlie Sheen, but now it just got a whole lot worse.
  2. Don’t let this failure destroy your faith…let this failure plus all the other umpteen failures in your life destroy your faith.
  3.  If you are not raptured on the 21st of May 2011, don’t panic…conversely, if you are raptured on the 21st of May 2011, push the panic button.
  4. Before the 21st of May 2011, do not do any of these things, including not paying bills, saying anything you will regret to friends and family, quitting your job, leaving your loved ones…wait until the 22nd. That will show them.
  5. Don’t harm yourself or others…treat yourself to a Kentucky Fried Chicken Double Down on the 22nd and every day thereafter that you’re lucky enough to still be alive. I’m sure that will be much better for you.

Peace out, y’all. Holla.

7 responses to “Cultwatch and Unfinished Person offer advice to disillusioned Camping followers

  1. Pingback: 2011: The Year I Sucked or Wait, Did I? | an unfinished person (in this unfinished universe)

  2. This is most amusing.

  3. I think I’ll go with part two on all of the above. Sound advice!

  4. My neighbor is a born again Christian. She and her new husband are nowhere to be seen. Their dogs, Dutch (the Rhodesian Ridgeback, and Sansom, the Pug) have been at their gate since this morning, looking out mournfully. The cars are still there. Maybe we’ll go feed the dogs in a while.

  5. Oh, this was truly priceless! I love your snarkasims – they brought up an image of the Laughing Buddah.

  6. I doubt clouds would cancel it because the paintings I’ve always seen of depictions of the Rapture include Jesus returning on clouds. So I doubt it. I think cloud cover would be good to retain all those folks.

  7. Oh….it’s cloudy today. Maybe it’s canceled.


    I love #2.