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Look what the cat dragged me into

There are two things I usually don’t do on this blog: politics and vulgarity. Today, however, I am going to do one of them.

Half a beat…

…fuck.

Yep. Dodged a motherfucking bullet there unlike someone we know who’s been making headlines lately. You thought I was going to go all politico on your asses, didn’t you?

Why so vulgar? To be honest, I don’t know, but our cat, Seamus, brings it out in us. To wit, this morning, more than once, I heard my wife say:

“Goddammit Seamus.” As if Goddammit was his first name.

However, she’s not the only one in whom the furry little (actually big) bastard brings out the vulgarity. A few of my own nicknames for Seamus:

Shitbird.

Little Fucker.

Fucker.

The thing is we don’t always use those terms in anger either, although we’re not happy when he likes to knock glasses (now mostly plastic cups since all of our glasses are in shards at the local dump). Sometimes we use those terms affectionately like when I’m playing roughhouse with him using an oven mitt that only protects my hand and now not even that since he’s ripped a hole in the mitt.

Aside: if you saw my right forearm, you’d think I need a falconry glove to protect me from his teeth and (back)claws, except I’m thinking the $50 to $60 might be a little exorbitant especially considering all the conversation his scratches generate when I’m working at the library. “‘I have a cutting problem,” I usually tell patrons, or some other lame ass joke. Aside from the aside: I’m the master of the lame ass joke, especially when I’m working at the library. If a patron pauses after saying “I’m looking for a book…” before he says what specific book he is looking for, I usually say, “Well, you’ve come to the right place.” I’m a laugh riot, all right.

Before you think our cat is this evil beast, let me tell you that when people come to visit, he’ll curl right up beside them and purr sweetly– and he has the weakest meow you’ve ever heard for looking like such a brute.

He really is a sweetheart…

…except when he’s an asshole.

I now have a fan page on Facebook. If you’re not already a fan, come be one and you’ll get not only feeds from this blog there, but also my “microblog,” Unfinished, on Posterous. I’ve tried (unsuccessfully) consolidating that one and this one, but have been unsuccessful due to the incompatibilities between the two post by e-mail features of each, so I’m just going to keep them separate. The Posterous posts are more just “one-offs” anyway instead of fully-formed thoughts as the posts here are intended — and sometimes actually are.

13 responses to “Look what the cat dragged me into

  1. Pingback: Neither a cat blogger nor a book blogger be I. | an unfinished person (in this unfinished universe)

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  3. Pingback: I loved Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, it was much better than Cats…(TSS) | an unfinished person (in this unfinished universe)

  4. Vulgarity or politics? Hmmm … I’d go with vulgarity, fuck the politics.
    😉

    Speaking of cats who have an unnatural curiosity with drinking glasses, I used to sleep with a tall glass of water by my bed. There were several occasions where I found one of my cats with his head stuck inside the glass. Idjit. Ironically, he later died of natural causes.

    • I agree. Go with the vulgarity. Much fucking better.

      Our cat has done the same…usually with larger glasses, but still it’s hilarious. Stupid little (big) fucker. 😉

  5. Cats. My kitty rolls over like she wants me to pat her belly. It’s very tempting; she looks adorable. But the second I do, she sinks her teeth in my hand.

    • Funny thing is just I got home from work about half an hour ago and now he’s all sweet and lovely, curled up right beside me. He is a sweetheart sometimes….

      …but yes, I wouldn’t trust him if he rolled over either.

  6. Oh my gosh – I’m cracking up – our cat Sam LOVES to knock glasses of water over. (Ours are all plastic, too.) Nothing brings out my desire to swear like discovering that one of my kids left their water sitting out and the cat knocked it over. I once came into the living room to discover Sam up on the couch, pulling over my glass of water – onto my stack of books! My kids knew something was up when words came out of Mommy’s mouth that they usually only overhear when Dad is beating Mom at Wii tennis. LOL

  7. I think we need to introduce Seamus to my cat Lola, who is trying to kill me. Actually, scratch that (pun intended)!

  8. Haha! I used to play oven mitt with the dumba** cat.

    Poor Seamus, so abused.

    Yeah, right.

    🙂