All day I didn’t know about which I was going to write, and then as I was on my way home from work at the library tonight, it happened.
Slow (and stupid) people.
I called my wife to see if she needed me to pick anything up at the store for dinner. She said that she didn’t, that she already was making dinner. However, she said it wouldn’t be done for another 30 minutes so I suggested — oh, so politely, because y’all know that’s how I am, the paragon of politeness — that I grab something on which to snack until dinner was ready.
I went to the local supermarket and picked up a box of Ritz crackers, and headed — at a brisk pace — toward the checkout lines. Since it was 8 p.m., only one was open and about 10 people (probably more like five, but it looked like 10 to me in my state of extreme hunger) were lined up with carts full of their week’s groceries, since today is pay day for many folks.
At the customer service desk, two associates (with the emphasis on the first three letters and the last two letters) were needed to help a customer with, what I’m guessing were, his lottery tickets. A woman in the line offered to allow me to go ahead. I responded that she didn’t need to do that as I was leaving. On the way out, I left the crackers on a display table in the aisle. I figured the associates could take care of it later.
Since I was in a hurry, I thought I’d run to McDonald’s and grab a quick burger. Two people at the counter were waiting for their food, but no associate was there to assist me with my order. At this particular McDonald’s, and maybe all McDonald’s, for all I know, the focus is on the drive-through business. The people at the counter, to put it politely — as I am the paragon of politeness — are screwed.
So there I was screwed and this guy started small talk with me, about where I was from, where I grew up and all kinds of crazy shit. When I told him I worked as a correspondent for a newspaper, he then proceeded to tell me he had a story for me about some state Department of Transportation supervisor who was in court tomorrow for speeding and crossing on a double yellow line.
Hold the fucking presses. This is the story of the century!
I think that’s what he wanted me to tell my editors.
Somehow I escaped his monologue and just left without ordering, because by this time I was pretty pissed off and by now completely famished — my politeness was beginning to wear off by this point. I called the wife and ranted about how stupid and slow people are — and she said it was probably just a sign I’m not supposed to eat at McDonald’s. She said she had some cheese, pretzels and mustard I could have before dinner.
Well, I’d write more, but I’m writing this in between the cheese, pretzel and mustard course and real dinner…
…so I gotta run and have dinner now. I’d like to hope tomorrow that I won’t run into any slow (and stupid) people but I’m afraid that I work at the library all day tomorrow, so it’s bound to happen. Until then, y’all…