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Patron of the Week: Mrs. I’m-Gonna-Sing-On-My-Answering-Machine-For-The-First-Part-Of-My-Message

This week’s Patron of the Week comes from the Land of  Overdue.

Please welcome Mrs. I’m-Gonna-Sing-On-My-Answering-Machine-For-The-First-Part-Of-My-Message.

Yesterday I had the fun task of calling up folks whose books, CDs or, in some cases, DVDs (a $1 a day), are late. Nine times out of 10, I get an answering machine. When I called the patron above, I received the following singing message:

“He is able, more than able,
to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able,
to handle anything that comes my way.”

Followed by “You’ve reached the parsonage of….”

I’m religious as the next guy, well, except for maybe this guy:

Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens, Image via Wikipedia

But regardless, I’m semi-religious.  However, the first thought through my head was something along these lines:

I wonder if He is able to help you get your damned overdue books back on time, huh? Well, is He?

And then I thought:

A-ha, there it is, it’s because you’re reading damned books. Maybe that’s why he isn’t helping you get the books back on time?

If only she had taken out the expurgated version of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, she’d be A-OK with Jesus.

Huck Finn and the Lion at Halloween

Image via Wikipedia

Of course, shhhh, don’t tell anyone. All we have is the unexpurgated version.

Maybe we’re the ones that are going to be damned.

At least, I didn’t use the word “nigger” in this post. Then I’d the one that was damned…

OH SHIT!

Image by elisharene via Flickr

11 responses to “Patron of the Week: Mrs. I’m-Gonna-Sing-On-My-Answering-Machine-For-The-First-Part-Of-My-Message

  1. Well, I guess that means I’m not going to accomplish what concerns me today. I’m just not that close to Him in terms of consanguinity.

  2. Did she have a good voice? Which are the big words? I didn’t see anything like “consanguinity” so I’m not sure.

    • unfinishedrambler

      Did my aunt have a good voice or did the woman on the phone? My late aunt had a wonderful voice…as for the woman, it wasn’t half bad. Whoa. Consanguinity. Even I had to look that one up. 🙂

  3. You said the “N” word! I’m telling…someone…someone who will censor your blog like they censored Mark Twain!

    And I love that song which Aunt Joan used to sing…thankyouverymuch.,

  4. I hate those greetings! I always want to leave a message stating “I had some really great news for you but forgot it after your long-ass greeting” But alas I would be fired.

  5. Yep, had to guess at some of those words too…guess it’s back to word-of-the-day learning for me; dammit!

    • unfinishedrambler

      Sorry about that. Sometimes I get carried away with dem dere big words. What can I say? 😉

  6. You used a lot of big words in this post that I should look up but I probably won’t because I will be distracted before I get there.

    I’ve been damned for a long long time and in fact have been saving seats down in hell for all my friends. Yours is next to Kathy.

    • unfinishedrambler

      Next to Kathy and not next to Cardiogirl?!? Dammit!

      Also I’m glad my wife wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand what I was talking about in this post. At first, I thought she was the only one.

    • Damn… it’s going to be one hell of a party down there. I can hardly wait!