My wife learned via Facebook that the Hershey’s Kissmobile was going to be in our town today, so naturally I had to go see it for myself, mainly because I hoped to get free candy.
Here it is parked in front of a local hotel:
Unfortunately, the crew was nowhere to be seen, so I went inside the lobby of the hotel, thinking they might be in there at a table with free samples. Alas, they were not and when I inquired at the waitress station for the hotel restaurant, the maitre d’ told me that the crew was back having lunch in the back room with the local Rotary Club. Like a child, I told her that I came down for free samples and she said I’d have to wait until after they were done, but maybe then they’d have free samples…if I was good.
When I approached the waitress station, I sneezed. Only as I was walking back to the car –and after I had been talking to a woman on the street who was getting a photo for her daughter– did I realize that I had a giant loogey, or goober, or gigantic piece of snot for those who might not be familiar with the other terms, on the front of my shirt. I told the woman I didn’t have children, but was looking to get the candy for me and she informed me that her daughter was 20, but didn’t believe her that the Kissmobile was in town. I might have imagined it, but I think she looked down at my shirt too.
I imagine her thinking: “Oh, the poor mentally handicapped man. Isn’t that sad how he’s come down to get free samples of Hershey’s Kisses and he can’t even clean the snot off his shirt?” I’m surprised she didn’t hand me a quarter for my troubles, or give me money to buy some Hershey’s Kisses.
Next time something like this happens, maybe I’ll just sneeze ahead of time on my shirt and try to engender sympathy. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make out like a bandit. Hopefully, it won’t be the Wienermobile, though. Personally, just watching hot dog eating contests make me vomit just a little bit in my mouth, and I’m sure filling myself on free samples of weiners would evoke the same response. At least, though, unlike today, I would come away with something for my troubles.
Er, yeah, here’s the inspiration for the title…because I love Hershey’s Kisses? I don’t know. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but I seem to be pretty good at wasting it.