Why can we defriend

I usually keep my chat window closed on Facebook, but I made the mistake of leaving it open this morning and, as a result, had one of the most annoying conversations I’ve had on chat in a while.

The then-friend of mine asked me if I played any games. I told her I played Bejeweled Blitz and that I used to play Mafia Wars, but found it to be too time-consuming.

She then said something to the effect:

“Nothing that would make you useful.”

To be honest, I was a little taken aback. I don’t think I ever had heard such a utilitarian view of Facebook friends.

I replied:

“If by ‘useful,’ you mean games, then I guess I’m not ‘useful.'”

I then asked her:

“So if I decline an invitation to play a game with you, then you’ll defriend me?”

She answered that I had said I had played Mafia Wars and then declined an invitation to be in her Mafia…then she said goodbye.

I tried to respond to her beyond that, but a message said I didn’t have permission to chat with her. I went to her page and it said I was no longer her friend.

I can’t believe she defriended me.

That bitch!

I wanted to defriend her first.

So have you ever been defriended on Facebook, or have you ever defriended someone on Facebook? Why? Are you considering defriending me on Facebook now that I’ve written this post? Are you as sick of the word “defriend” as I am at this point?

* The above parts of our chat conversation are paraphrased because I couldn’t open a chat history after she defriended me.

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34 responses to “Why can we defriend

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  3. I have a nasty suspicion we had the same person, have the same IM conversation, about the same time as you did my friend. One minute they are asking me if I ‘played games’, the next they were gone from my Facebook. I found it weird since I had discovered them through my blog, and not through games on Facebook. Every ‘friend’ that connected us, were from the blog world.

    Take a look at this post I put out there in Facebook land when the same thing happened to me. Maybe there are subtle hints that they are indeed the same person.

    Yikes…Debunked, defacebooked and accused of clogging up something other than the toilet bowl. Well, fly free my dirty, rabies infested fowl friend! Fly free!

    Bitch indeed!

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  5. OMG!!! I know who you are talking about because she did the same thing to me just a few days ago!!!

    The conversation was totally weird! She said she was conducting an “investigation” and that she’d decide whether I was “bye bye”. She went “bye bye” before I did…I de-friended her and blocked her. I didn’t feel bad about doing it either! My investigation turned up that she was WEIRD!!!

    • unfinishedrambler

      Oh, I didn’t feel bad about it. Don’t get me wrong.

      And “weird”: that definitely is the word.

  6. Dawn Pletcher

    I LIKE your Dad, Bryan!!! 🙂
    As to defriending and being “hidden” by “friends” on FB, I remember the first one who was a classmate of mine 50+ years ago in Galeton. He sent me an email saying that he had defriended me on FB because he was tired about the posts relating to military, fallen heroes, veterans, and Goodies For Our Troops. It knocked me for a loop but recently have noticed that when I respond to a mutual friends post, he posts an @Dawn, and he includes me in a lot of his email forwards … go figure!
    I’ve only defriended a couple of folks who sent friend requests to Goodies Forour Troops FB page that I accepted, then proceeded to really bash the military which you would know would NOT sit well with me.
    Lots of folks have “hidden” me also and know lots of folks think I post too much stuff related to our country (like the Fly the American Flag that I do every day), our military, our veterans, our fallen heroes, and their families but I come from a different time when mostly all Americans respected our flag, were proud to be Americans and cared about our military, vets, etc. Think the elimination of the draft may have something to do with that since it resulted in less than 1% of the population making the sacrifices our military and their families make for the rest of us. 99% of the population don’t have to worry about their son/daughter being drafted or joining the military so why should they care? Thank God, though, there are still many Americans, like you, who do care!
    Thanks for letting me vent a bit on all of that, even if you don’t post it! 🙂
    God bless,

  7. No! Wait! I’m defriending him! Yeah! Jerk!

    • unfinishedrambler

      Actually, as for my online persona, you (The Real You 🙂 already did defriend me…well, Unfinished Person anyway. Confused? Me too. 🙂

  8. Dad commented on YOUR blog? WHAT?! No fair! I’m totally defriending you. Jerk.


  9. Suggestion: If you think it proper to leave a good by message. Do it with grace. Soft answers (comments ) work best. Harsh answers come back to bite you. My observation is that even wronged hurt people who have a revengeful attitude feel miserable. There that was easy to say 🙂

  10. Interesting comments; Interpersonal relationships can be both comforting and/or stressful ( we could use a lot of various words there). At times I wanted to just get off FB completely. And wondered will people think I’m mad at them.(I’m Not) or like Hugz , Will they even notice. You can die (or parts of you) from rejection. I know someone that did. His name is Jesus.

  11. I’ve been defriended by someone I used to work with. I was given no reason but I noticed that he defriended a lot of other people, too. I guess it was just house-cleaning. Who knows?

    I have hidden several people because they post too much or I don’t like the nature of their posts. Don’t worry. You are NOT hidden! I hide almost all games and application postings and these just clog up my wall.

    I, too, have accepted friend requests from people I don’t really know. Sometimes this has worked out fine. Other times, not so much.

    On the other hand, I recently sent friend requests to people I used to work with that have seemingly been ignored by them. To me, that’s rejection, and yes, my feelings are a bit hurt, because I thought I they liked me at least as much as I like them.

    I realize, though, that people use Facebook differently. Some people are very picky about who they want to add as a friend.

    It is easy to hide behind the keyboard but I do think common courtesy and common sense should prevail.

    • unfinishedrambler

      Wow. I guess you’ve thought about it this a lot, huh? 🙂

      Common sense and courtesy on Facebook: what is that? I don’t think a lot of people know that.

  12. I’ve deleted friends before (mainly because they were assholes) and I’m sure I’ve been deleted, but all in all I really don’t give a shit.

  13. Dude- that is messed up.

    Now I admit I play 3 games on FB. It helps pass the time when I can’t sleep or have a fibromyalgia flare-up especially. But I get annoyed when my friends want to send me 5867 requests for stuff for games. Or worse yet- they post it all over my wall. Thanks, but no thanks. I even hid one of my friends from my news feed because all she does is talk about games. She even apologizes sometimes for being too busy with work and life to have gotten to her games. I can’t believe people actually get upset about this stuff!

    And you know what? That bitch did you a favor. Who needs her?

    • unfinishedrambler

      You can hide applications too, but this latest “incident” (which I’m traumatized) has made me think I might be “defriending” some more people now.

  14. I unfriended all of my husbands relatives and his children – no one noticed. Whew!

    • unfinishedrambler

      Now that’s harsh, I must admit.

      • What’s harsh? That I unfriended them or that they didn’t even notice?

        • unfinishedrambler

          Ex-husband, I hope…yeah, that would be pretty harsh that they didn’t notice, but it sounds like they’re not worth it.

          • No, current loving, lovely husband! As to his family, after 20 years I’m still not their favorite person – they are nice people just not my kind of people, as I am not their kind of people. I unfriended my step children because I really didn’t need to know their business – they are adults – and yadda yadda yadda

            • unfinishedrambler

              I sort of understand what you’re saying, but can’t comment any further for the sake of familial relations. 😉

  15. Note to self: re-friend Unfinished Person in FB.


    That was lame-o with a capital O of that lady formerly known as an FB friend.

    Don’t sweat it. Not worth it.

    • unfinishedrambler

      Thanks, Quirkster.

      I’ll be sure to re-friend you now too. 😉

      I’ll admit it, it was the whole Diet Dr. Pepper thing. I grew up in a family of Diet Pepsi drinkers, so you see… 😉

  16. I’ve never been defriended for such trivial things but I did find out that I was blocked recently by a person that I used to call a very close friend of mine and I have no idea why. What irks me is that I didn’t block her first and that’s stupid too in its own way.

    • unfinishedrambler

      I know exactly how you feel…I think I’ve only blocked like two people, one was on a forum I used to be on and the other was a friend who kept spouting political propaganda — all the time. I don’t mind once in a while, but, I don’t care what side you’re from, give it a rest once in a while.

  17. Facebook gets on my nerves…how dare her do that to you? Do we lose all sense of courtesy, humanity and the like once we join Facebook? Are we so busy farming, keeping up with the FB Joneses and gossiping about our FB friends that decorum is out the window? You go with your bad self. Who needs friends like that anyway? I’m just sorry you couldn’t pull the “defriend” trigger quicker!
    The ever hormonal—-Gayle

    • unfinishedrambler

      That’s all right about being hormonal. I almost felt hormonal about it too…in fact, that’s why I wrote about it. And, yes, I will go on with my bad self. 🙂

  18. Early on in my Facebook “life,” I gained two or three friends who requested that I friend them, and I knew them literally only by name, knowing nothing beyond that except that maybe I had been a member of an Internet discussion board with them at some point. And of course those were the names that continually popped up on Facebook with status reports. They were also very prolific in “liking” anything I posted. Nice, but after a while I decided I really wanted my Facebook friends to be actual friends, even loosely defined. While I had nothing against these unknown “friends,” I defriended them. I think we should all be able to do that without being considered rude or harsh.

    • unfinishedrambler

      Well, part of my problem is that I have a Facebook account for my online persona, Unfinished Person, and I’m too nice on there by “friending” people who are friends of friends. I may need to go through and weed out those I really don’t follow or who never, ever comment on anything I say and likewise, on whose pages I never comment either. Sometimes honesty is the best policy…although according to Billy Joel, it can be a lonely word too. Hmmmm.