Facebook advertisers want ME (body, mind and soul may be required)

I can’t believe it, but Facebook advertisers want ME to fill positions they have available right now.

I keep getting ads that say “If you’re 40 and a male from Pennsylvania”, which describes “me” and “me” (said in Phil Connors voice in the scene in which she’s describing her perfect mate) to a T.

I can become a cop AND SWAT:

facebook cops ad

Or, to put it more accurately, according to the ad, I can become a Copsr! Yeah, baby, I always wanted to be a Copsr.

Hey, don’t knock becoming SWAT, because, according to another ad, I can make $70,000 to $80,000 per year!

I also can test AND KEEP a free Apple iPad, but don’t read the fine print, which tells you:

You must participate in a total of 13 Sponsor Offers…

Please note Sponsor Offers may require you to sample and/or purchase products of interest and/or take other actions such as applying for or obtaining a loan or extension of credit (including credit cards), transferring a balance or similar steps.

What they don’t tell you about similar steps is that they might include, but are not limited to the following two options:

Giving up your firstborn and/or middleborn and/or lastborn.

Signing a contract similar and/or exactly like this one:

whereby your body, mind and/or soul might go to one or more of the following random gods, or other gods, devils or demons completely of our choice:

Tiamat (who, despite no nipples, would be my choice of deity to whom I would go, for her pert breasts):


Chernobog (not to be confused with Chernobyl, but just as evil as the nuclear plume):

Mahakala (not to be confused with Hau`oli Makahiki Hou, the traditional greeting for Happy New Year in Hawaii):

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