I can’t believe it, but Facebook advertisers want ME to fill positions they have available right now.
I keep getting ads that say “If you’re 40 and a male from Pennsylvania”, which describes “me” and “me” (said in Phil Connors voice in the scene in which she’s describing her perfect mate) to a T.
I can become a cop AND SWAT:
You must participate in a total of 13 Sponsor Offers…
Please note Sponsor Offers may require you to sample and/or purchase products of interest and/or take other actions such as applying for or obtaining a loan or extension of credit (including credit cards), transferring a balance or similar steps.
What they don’t tell you about similar steps is that they might include, but are not limited to the following two options:
Giving up your firstborn and/or middleborn and/or lastborn.
Signing a contract similar and/or exactly like this one:
whereby your body, mind and/or soul might go to one or more of the following random gods, or other gods, devils or demons completely of our choice:
Tiamat (who, despite no nipples, would be my choice of deity to whom I would go, for her pert breasts):
Chernobog (not to be confused with Chernobyl, but just as evil as the nuclear plume):
Mahakala (not to be confused with Hau`oli Makahiki Hou, the traditional greeting for Happy New Year in Hawaii):