Nine Ways To Beat The Cold And Warm The…Ahem…Cockles Of Your Heart

Nine Ways To Beat the Cold

I’m not going to repeat the advice offered to the gas drilling men as it was written word-for-word in the edition of The Drill’N Man I picked up recently, as much as I’m going to highlight the list that was given there and add my own interpretations…or leave to your own interpretations, as the case may be.

1. EAT! Calories = heat. If that’s true, then why is this hot dog eating contest in July?!!!? Hmmm.

2. Hydrate.

Don’t forget “a bathing suit is not required or recommended.” Consult reference to Drill’N Dolls and appropriate music in first post.

3. Layer up.

No, not lather up, but “layer” up. Again consult reference to Drill’N Dolls in first post, although if you want to lather up your entire body before you “layer” up (and who knows maybe you could lather up and layer up too?) that probably wouldn’t hurt after you’ve been out in the field all day.

4. Feet cold? Cover your head.

Even one of these

will do, just don’t use when lathering up (see last sentence).

5. Use hand warmers in strange places. “…They also go well in your boots or any other place you might want to freeze.” Uh huh, you don’t need to do a double take, you read that right.

Cue appropriate music.

6. Happy Feet = Happy Worker “…A fresh pair of socks will make you feel like a new man.” So will a visit from one of the Drill’N Dolls, who I’m told by a reliable source have a fetish for feet.

Or be distracted from the cold by watching a movie about cold weather animals set to annoying music:

7. Don’t turn up the heat. Bottom line is that you have to adjust to the cold…go stock shelves in a convenience store cooler or better yet, do like these dudes:

8. Peet your Feet. “A simple dryer (called a Peet) will warm your equipment and your boots will last longer, too.” In case, you missed it, feet are important in warming the cockles of your heart and “your equipment.” See previous comment about Drill’N Dolls and feet fetish. Who knew? Kinky.

Speaking of Peet and kinky:

Appropriate music again.

9. Start Dry To Stay Dry. …although I must say if you start with one of these:

you’re probably not going to stay dry for long.

Tomorrow: Part III in the Drill’N Man series with a special ad.

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