Earlier this month, I began a part-time job at our local library. On my first day, I was given a tour of the library, at which point the librarian said she’d tell me
Things You Didn’t Know About Your Local Library
which got me to thinking of doing an intermittent series here about that very subject.
So today will be the first post in this series, starting with just a few things she told me on that tour.
1. There is a scary side to the library basement.
One side of the basement contains…well, you guessed it, books. The other side, you really don’t want to know who or what might be lurking there.
Actually, I was there. It wasn’t that bad. The worst I saw was this:
Excuse me, this is a library. You can’t be loitering down here…move along now. No, it’s not that we have anything against interracial couples. It’s just that if you want to share a Coke and a smile, share it somewhere else, all right? After all, no food or drink is allowed in the library.
2. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what they will do in the library.
To wit, the librarian told me that one terrible two-year-old pulled down his diaper and pooped in a vent one day. Evidently, his mother was one of those “free-spirited” mothers, in that she let her son loose his spirit…and in this case, his bowels, wherever he wanted.
The librarian said another day, while upstairs…
…um, not in the attic, believe me, you don’t want to go there. You think the basement is scary. Just wait until you see what’s up there:
Anyway, while upstairs one day, she heard the voice of a child from below: “Help me! Help me!”
She walked down the stairs to find the terrible two-year-old with the hood of his coat stuck in a door. He couldn’t get loose.
For some reason, she let him loose. My wife said she would have left him there to teach him and his mother a lesson.
I’m inclined to agree, which brings me to the last Thing You Didn’t Know About Your Local Library for today.
3. Not only do you not know what kids will say, but worse what adults, let’s say, of a certain age, will say in the library about kids.
To wit (I’m feeling very witty, but not very pretty and gay, not that there’d be anything wrong with that if I did…well, except that I’m not), whenever kids were around, one “gentleman” patron would remark with a scowl over his shoulder:
Surprised, he also didn’t say:
“Stay off my lawn.”
Sometimes I feel like saying both of those things…especially when I’m in the supermarket. I guess, I’ll just have to wait until I’m…um…of a certain age.