This is the second stop on the Humor Bloggers Dot Com Virtual Road Trip, which will take you through Canada, the U.S., back into Canada and then off to London, England. Thanks to Frank Lee MeeDeire of the blog i probably don’t like you, you’ve already had a taste of Toronto, which probably tasted a little French, courtesy of Étienne Brûlé.
Here, in Pennsyltucky (all of that area outside the red and blue on the map above, that white is on purpose) we’re mostly of English stock, thanks to this man (?):
As for taste, we’d probably taste a little gamy, to be honest, unlike Brûlé, because of our mostly heavy venison diet, which brings me to the first thing on
An Abbreviated List of Things To Do in Pennsyltucky:
1. Hunt: The prey of choice here is white-tailed deer**; the weapon of choice, a gun not surprisingly since we do cling to them along with our religion (as WASPy as you can get) although we have been known to use the Bowie knife, numchucks or the atlatl in times past (and possibly in the future too). Pennsyltucky also is home to the black bear, the ruffed grouse (the official state game bird) and the mountain lion (at least, some people believe it).
2. Fish: The Susquehanna River cuts right through the heart of Pennsyltucky and has everything in it from trout to bass to walleye and recently the American eel has been reintroduced. In addition to the Susquehanna, Pennsyltucky has a plethora of lakes and ponds in which you can catch a wide variety of species from sunfish to piranha:
(okay, not really, but I just thought I’d see if you were paying attention).
3. Hike: Only a few miles from where I live is the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon or Pine Creek Gorge, which is just one of the highlights, at least, in my mind, in Pennsyltucky to hike and/or bike.
Also certainly not to be overlooked is the Appalachian Trail which cuts through the southeast corner of Pennsyltucky.
Only thing is while you might be able to hike through some of the areas, be aware that 35 to 40 state parks may be closed in the near future due to budgetary constraints so you may have to find leaves to use or bring your own stock of toilet paper.
4. Drink And Drive: This actually probably should have been No. 1. As a correspondent who covers local district courts, I know of what I speak. DUIs are the most prevalent crime here, next to pedophilia.
If you are going to drink and drive in Pennsyltucky, here is
An Abbreviated List of Attractions in Pennsyltucky:
to which you can drink and drive, if you make it alive:
1. Farm Museums: A list of which can be found here. You never seen one of these?
You’ll learn all about them at your local Pennsyltucky farm museum.
2. The Peter J. McGovern Little League Museum: You’ll learn not only about Little League Baseball, but also Little League SOFTBALL (even if it was after 36 years since Title IX was passed that the first Little League World Softball Series was played, at least, it happened, dammit).
If you come at the end of August this year, you even can catch the 2009 Little League World Baseball Series, culminating in the final game at Howard J. Lamade Stadium. For the 2009 Little League World Softball Series, however, you’ll have to travel to Kalamazoo, Michigan earlier in August (see previous link for more information on dates).
3. Yep, that’s about it.
Next stop is June 5 in Jersey. Click below for the blogger who will be guiding you.
** Photo courtesy of Pennsylvania Game Commission/Hal Korber