piano trophy1
On the bookshelf in our living room sits this trophy, the only trophy I still have out of the four or five trophies I ever received in my life (and yes, amazingly, it looks exactly as pictured with an “Unfinished Rambler” tag over it just like that).

For what great honor did I receive this and the other trophies, you may well ask? Piano lessons and completing a piano recital each year, I may, and will, well reply.

That’s right. In my youth, I was Pianoboy (a variation of Tenacious D’s “Wonderboy”):

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Pianoboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you’re high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Pianoboy, what is the secret of your power?
Pianoboy, won’t you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

Yes, at these recitals I played the three B’s: Beethoven, Bach and Brahms, but the pieces for which I was most well-known and to which I still can play by ear to this day are three classics in their own right. Of course, I speak of the three classic politically-incorrect (and, in one case, potentially ribald) tunes of most piano-playing youths:

1. Chopsticks: which belittled people of Chinese (whom were called in my day by the now known as politically-correct, Oriental, making it doubly worse by association) origin, just by its very title.

2. Three Blind Mice: which belittled the blind, not only by its title, but also by its lyrics. Is that any way to treat the blind, you may well ask? And I may well, and will, answer: No, because while none of my friends are blind, some of my favorite singers are: Blind Willie Johnson, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder and Ronnie Milsap.

3. Mary Had A Little Lamb: which condoned bestiality. “Why, Mary loves the lamb you know.” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

At least, that’s the way I see the now not-so-subtle nuances of the songs as an adult.

What? What’d I say? You know you always thought similar things about those songs too. Well, if you didn’t, you now will.

Pianoboy’s work is done here.


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This is part one of a four-part Spring Concert series here at Unfinished Rambler on Flashback Fridays throughout the month of April. Part II next Friday, April 10: Bandboy.

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