Unholy Rollin’

Back in my day, when kids wanted to have good clean fun, we didn’t do whatever it is kids do today to have good clean fun (do kids today even have “good clean fun?” I wonder, with all their hip hop music, cell phone texting (as opposed to rotary phone texting like we did), boozing and fornicating). Instead, we went to the roller rink.

Or in my case, for my first roller “rink” experience, our elementary school gym, the size of what most school’s auxiliary gyms are now (we didn’t have auxiliary gyms back in the day (we just had one gym per school and it was called The Gym)). I tried to find a picture online to show what our gym looked like, but all I found were photos of elementary school gyms three times the size of what our gym was.

I think my first pair of skates were like these:

metal skates

It’s what the poor kids had back when I was a young whippersnapper.

While all the cool, lower middle class kids had skates like these:

roller-skates

What I remember most about skating in our rinky-dink gym was the music that was pumped over the school’s PA system or was there an actual deejay (somehow I doubt it; hey, if you think I’m using too many parentheses, too bad, it’s what I do, when I ramble, I parenthesize (and parenthesize within my parenthesizing))? Well, whichever, the songs that were played were usually songs that were inappropriate for elementary school students to be listening.

For example, my mother remembers one of the songs that was played was “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2” by Pink Floyd, with its rousing anthem, “We don’t need no education.” Not only was it anti-school, but also anti-grammar too. Imagine what would have happened if we had heard “Ain’t Goin’ Down (Til’ The Sun Comes Up)” by Garth Brooks. It would have been complete and utter (not complete without uttering (ask for a refund, if your anarchy comes out of the box not speaking in tongues)) anarchy.

Other inappropriate songs played that I especially remember were “Centerfold” by The J. Geils Band, “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton and “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll” by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts. We just skipped “Smokin’ in the Boys Room” and went right for the hard stuff at our school. Sex, drugs AND rock ‘n’ roll. That’s the way we rolled at our school.

This is part one of a two-part series that will be continued in next Friday’s Flashback Friday, with Holy Rollin’, the joys of church youth group rollerskating.

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