25 Things About You, Interwebs, The Train Obama Rode In On

I was tagged by dzzblnd at Soggy Doggy Bloggy for some meme that asked me to tell six random things about myself and then tag five other bloggers, yadda yadda yadda. You and I both know the drill, and you probably know that I don’t follow the rules of memes too well (well, if you don’t, you do now) so I decided to adapt it to something I’ve seen hitting Facebook: 25 Things About Yourself.

Instead, I thought it’d be cool or at least time diverting to post 25 Things I’ve Learned About You, Blogosphere, Since I’ve Gotten Here, Wherever The Hell Here Is.

1. You are white bread and eschew any kind of bread with the slightest dark grain, but you say you can “tolerate” other grains.

2. You are a suburban housewife or a cranky old man.

3. You don’t like rap unless it’s “old school rap“.

4. You like country AND western.

5. You like to fly your flag, whatever it may be, except if it’s this freak flag:

gay_flag1

6. You are a stickler for grammar, punctuation and spelling until it suits your purposes and you choose to go off a tangent say into a run-on sentence and randomly Capitalize or not like A text Message I believe we could be BFF (if you could text me at….then I would I know or leave a comment in the box below

7. (oh, didn’t I say? you like parentheses too (or parentheses within parentheses)…and ellipses…basically you cover all the -eses…

8. You like to talk about yourself A LOT and your children or lack thereof your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/companion your lack thereof your job your lack thereof your pets your lack thereof.

9. You are cynical to the point that if the rich man who used to give out wads of cash to random people on the street came up and gave you money, you’d be skeptical and wonder what strings were attached. “You want me to blow you, old man, why didn’t you just say so?”

10. You reduce everything to its most base element. You enjoy bathroom and sex humor, veiled in the guise of high brow humor. You enjoy watching George Carlin reruns.

11. You either are up on the news so much that you feel you have to regurgitate it to us with your own spin or into the news so little that you ignore the obvious import of what’s going on around you (like the newspaper that chose not to do a story about Obama becoming president; of course, not to be outdone, yesterday an entire country ignored the inauguration).

12. You like using the word “Obama” in your blog posts and blog titles, even if said blog post has nothing to do with Obama, because it will guarantee somebody will click on your post even though it’s not about Obama and has nothing to do with Obama. It might not even be Obamesque in nature.

13. You like making up words using Obama – Obaminator, Obagasm, Obamagate and think you’re clever like you are the Second Term of Obama, you Obamamentalist.

14. You like to refer yourself in the second or third person to distance yourself from who you really are.

15. You’ve got issues and you like talking/writing about them for the entire world to see: “I am a drunk Twitterer basically. E-mail is so passe.”

16. You are a 2-year-old child who likes to listen to yourself shout “me, me, me.” You are a Reaganite underneath that Obama suit of many colors.

17. You don’t believe in God or if you do, you don’t say it too loudly on your blog because you don’t want to be labeled a right-wing religious nut. You’d rather be a left-wing agnostic bolt, just for the sake of being argumentative.

18. You like to Google yourself even though you think Google is the new Microsoft.

19. You like to use Googlesque applications to blog, to see who is reading you by what keyword and from where they are coming and what makes them “bounce” and what makes them stay and what socioeconomic/cultural demographic to which they belong (uh, white, white, white, middle class, middle class, middle class– okay, also two black guys, a Latino woman and a pair of lesbians who are “aspiring” to be upper middle class, but mostly white as in lily-white).

20. You like lists, memes, tagging, poking, throwing sheep at, friending, following, unfollowing, making “connections” with others.

21. You have no IRL friends.

22. You are not a role model.

23. Sometimes you say things that are inappropriate.

24. You disobey your own established rules of not putting a link to any one blogger (besides dzzblnd since she tagged you) which you established so as not to exclude all of the fine bloggers that are out there, but you say, “To hell with it, it’s my blog, I’ll do what I want,” because that’s how you roll and after all you, you are not a role model.

25. You like to be member of different online “communities” like Humor-Blogs.com, Humor Bloggers, Blogerella to show how ecumenical you are within the white bread humor blogosphere to which you belong, or at least did until you wrote a post like this and got your ass kicked out.

So click there on any of the three links to see more crackers and honkys like me.

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