Here are my top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:
- No smoking.[*] (√ already completed and the year hasn’t even begun, yay!)
- No drinking. [**]
- No playing with sharp knives when drinking Jagermeister (or any other alcohol product, for that matter). [***]
- No more joking about drinking [****]
- Integrate my online split personalities (unfinishedperson.com, justarunningfool.wordpress.com, justareadingfool.wordpress.com, spiritualexercises.wordpress.com and here, no hyperlink required, plus the other 2 million I have) into one, maybe two mainframes. [*****]
- No more parenthetical remarks (because really, why are they needed?) [******]
- Less hyperlinks and YouTube videos. [*******]
- No more war. [********]
- Real sentences and not cut-off sentences like this that really don’t need a period, but I put one there anyway.[*********]
- No more using asterisks in footnotes.[**********]
[*] Considering that I don’t smoke and haven’t except for that one year in college and only when I went out to the clubs with
friends acquaintances people who would provide me transportation there so I could drink alcoholic beverages off campus since our campus, Messiah College, was/is an alcohol-free campus except for the hidden six-packs in the closet and bottles of liquor in the thermos in the desk drawers (not that I would know about either one because neither I nor my friends acquaintances people from whom I would mooch alcohol ever did such a thing).
[**] Except for holidays, including, but especially since I’m writing this on New Year’s Eve and already have my
eggnog (store was out of it) Pepsi (it was cheaper) with rum propped up on the desk beside me, New Year’s Eve AND New Year’s Day and when it snows and when it rains and when it doesn’t do either one but you just feel like it because you can’t deal with life except through the bottom of a glass or a bottle, preferably Jagermeister, chilled.
[***] This also applies to sharp objects of any and all kinds, in fact, just take the objects out of my hands while I’m drinking; I could have a Nerf football injury.
[****] You know what happens to people who joke about drinking? They die of alcohol poisoning like Foster Brooks. Oh, wait, reading his (authorized) biography on Wikipedia, he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. He died at the age of 89, from heart trouble. Well, then I might strike that one.
[******] An aside: I worked for a newspaper where the copy editor always told me that I didn’t need the parentheses in a lot of the stories that I wrote also (I still included them and had her cut them out, but now that I have my own blog, I can leave them in my long, rambling (that’s why it’s called Unfinished Rambler and I even can put parentheses within parentheses even if it’s not grammatically correct) sentences, so there, Liza).
[*******] I mean, just look at this post, it’s like there’s a freaking (hey, wait, that’s not what I meant) explanation for almost everything referenced or some cute link to some random YouTube video.
[********] Yeah, I wish I had that kind of freaking (no, not that definition either) power, but really I’m with Bono on this one: No more war!
Ignore the closed caption and just listen. This is a great version.
[*********] An actual post. Hmmmm. Not just some random photos and thoughts thrown together? I’ll have to consider this, but next year.
[**********] I think this one is pretty obvious, don’t you?
Happy New Year to you all.
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