Things that make my mother’s skin crawl

From the same folks who brought you talking ants and a big, honking lot of pasta salad comes this post:

Often while at my parent’s, I joke– as I often do– with my mother about letting the cats into the house, especially in the winter, even though I know she’s allergic. The same way that I joke with The Sister about putting ketchup on her fries even though I know she hates ketchup or catsup (which is it anyway? I’ve always gone with ketchup myself, because catsup sounds like something that a fur ball that a cat coughed up). It’s a brother thing. What can I say?

“You know they make me itch,” she’ll say.

Last night, though, I learned that not only cats make her itch, but also other things that one might not connect with itching.

When I offered her some popcorn I just popped in the microwave, she tells me:

“I can’t eat popcorn any more.”

“Why?”

“It makes me itch.”

“It makes you itch?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes, it makes me itch. I don’t know why, but it does.”

Later, a horse flies finds its way into the house by her recliner, which sits by a screen door.

“Don’t let it bite me! It makes me itch!”

She hastily adds: “Don’t laugh…and do not put this on a blog!”

Which, of course, immediately makes me laugh and go for my notebook.

Then as often happens in my parent’s house, she uses Scripture (it is sharper than any two-edged sword you know) on me: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

“Yea, it will return unto you hundredfold,” my dad says (okay, he didn’t actually say that, but it was something to that effect and said in a very Charlton Hestonesque voice).

Both of them tell me that as susceptible as I am to allergies that this is something about which I should not joke and my dad concludes the discussion:

“You’ve had nothing until you start to itch.”

Which, I guess, is true, when you think about it.

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9 responses to “Things that make my mother’s skin crawl

  1. Lisa: Yep, I done did forget the molasses. Thanks for letting this good ole boy know. 😉

    Jenn: Yeah, she’s probably allergic to that too.

    The Wife: I don’t get it either.

    JD: As soon as The Fam asks me not to blog about it, it goes right in the notebook. 🙂

  2. wellthenhowaboutthisone

    HA! I love that your mom immediately asked you not to blog about her itching. My family makes the same request — to no avail.

    JD at I Do Things

  3. I don’t really get the popcorn but I understand the cats…I didn’t think food could make someone itch. Swell up and stop breathing, yes, but itch?

  4. I think your mom might benefit from some antihistamine.

    Or does that make her itch? 🙂

  5. You forgot molasses. She also has a problem with that.

  6. unfinishedperson

    Kathy: Itching and scratching. It’s all the same to me. Now that you mention it…itch, scratch, itch, scratch. Thanks. 🙂

    Meg: You’re welcome. Any time I can help your beer habit.

    Augusto: My father’s not even retired yet. Another year: I can’t wait. Thanks for the warning.

  7. As parents get older (well, mine anyway) they have loads more free time to ponder the day’s moments and find things to worry about and fixate on.

    Good luck with the itch gene in your family.

  8. I’m itching and sneezing, thank you very much. And now I want popcorn. Which means I need a beer to go with it.

  9. This post made me itch. Reading about itching makes me scratch. Oh, wait. Do we itch or do we scratch? Oh, nevermind. Let’s just say I feel like I have bugs crawling on me, shall we? Or popcorn.