I have herpes, don’t touch me

Like Muskrat, sometimes I say things that are inappropriate. Take tonight, for example, when I shouted to The Wife: I have HERPES, don’t TOUCH me.

Not only once, but twice and real loud with the windows to our bedroom wide open so the neighbors could hear.

Uh, let me explain.

First, we were not in the midst of any, ahem, impending romantic escapade. The Wife was folding laundry in the bedroom; I had just been reading comments on this blog.

Second, I thought I said, “It’s not like I have herpes or anything.” But The Wife told me that’s not what I said, repeating what I said above.

Third, I was making a reference to a couple of comments on a recent post where I gave out one of those silly blog awards to a few humor bloggers, two of whom who had this to say:

Kevin: I swear, these awards are the STDs of blogging.


Chris C: Giving that award to seven other people will be like giving them herpes.

So hopefully that clears up any confusion.

My neighbors, though, of course, don’t know any of this and are probably thinking, “Why is he sharing THAT with the entire neighborhood?”

For that matter, why am I sharing THIS with the entire World Wide Web?


Visit Humor-Blogs.com to vote for this post, then visit some of the other funny bloggers that are there.

6 responses to “I have herpes, don’t touch me

  1. thanks for the props! i’m now clapping for you. loudly. so that the neighbors can hear me giving you the clap.

  2. I kinda wish I would have known about the herpes before I came over here. Now I’m going to be afraid to head back home to Cabbages and spread it around.

    Hm. Maybe I need disinfectant for my Brillante award, too, now that I think about it. I mean, I really don’t know where that thing’s been.

  3. You say these things because you are a freak.

    Trust me I know.

    I’ll go vote for you, like damon said, I hope you didn’t touch the smiley.


  4. OK. Now I’m suddenly interested in your tag cloud.

    I see you have marijuana in there next to passing gas.

    Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is next to fart farting.

    Oh, you have the Sopranos there. OK, you got my vote.

  5. If only I had a dime for every time some woman yelled that at me….

    I was gonna vote for you, but I’m afraid the smiley may have the herp too. (You didn’t touch the smiley, did you?)

  6. I’m so proud that you can add ‘STDs’ to your tag cloud. That’s just delightful.