Always check the amount before you sign — d’oh.

So now that I’ve discussed my hooptie car, I return us to our regularly scheduled programming, about lost things and the like. In the past, I’ve discussed losing my wallet, which has brought on a case of Sudden Wallet Awareness Syndrome. However, that really could apply to anything, including cell phones, as my wife could tell, and has told you. and now the latest (okay, not latest, I’ve been losing them for a long time, but only now feel compelled to write about them) things I lose: credit/debit cards. But it’s not just losing them, but also misuse as this next little story tells:

One Sunday afternoon, The Wife was checking over our checking account (I know I could have thought up a different word for checking the first time around, but I’m too lazy to thesaurize the word– and yes, I know thesaurize isn’t a word) when she suddenly flipped out.

“What is THIS?!

Uh-oh. She’s found out about those tastefully-decorated brown paper bag packages I’ve been receiving every week for the last five years, but this time I put it on the wrong credit card.

I gingerly approach our home office and the computer, from where I’ve ordered said tastefully-decorated brown paper bag packages.

“Um…yes, hon.”

“No, it’s just this…” which whew, it’s just this. Oh, whew.
“How did you spend $64 in gas at the minitmart (that’s how they spell it, honest)?”

“Um…gas is freaking expensive.” What I don’t say, of course.
What I do say is this: “I don’t know. I only got $20 in gas, plus a vitamin water drink thingy.”
Of course, I don’t say vitamin water drink thingy, but I’m no corporate shill.

“Do you still have your receipt?”
Which ensues a 20-minute search for said receipt, being that I save of course every minitmart receipt. Surprisingly, though I have it, at which point we discover an extra $40 I was charged for another pump.

“Why would you pay for two pumps?!?” Of course, I think that families and businesses probably do it all the time, but I am mum on the subject.

We take our receipt to the store to show someone. Of course, the manager isn’t there — on a Sunday. And The Wife still rattles on to the two employees there.

“I just don’t see how this could happen. This is ridiculous.”

The two employees just nod their heads.

“Do you understand how we would be so angry? Do you?”

The pair just nod their heads.

A variation of this continues for 10 minutes.

I return on Monday to see the manager, with a little bit of trepidation — yet trying to remain calm like The Wife told me to do — and since she did such a great job of it the day before with the two employees.

“Um..” Yes, I began a lot of sentences with “um.” That one oral communication class in college I took didn’t take. “Um…is the manager in?” I ask the kerchief-head-covered employee.

She is.

The short of it is that in this day and age, everything is on video. She checks back to the time date on my receipt and finds the problem, after consultation for about 20 minutes with the kerchief-head-covered employee because at first, she can’t find me or isn’t sure it’s me. What happened was that a customer before me had paid by check, but it didn’t register until my bill came up.

As she’s putting the money back on my card, she can’t help but give me a lesson in proper credit/debit card care. “You should always check the amount before you sign. I always do.”

Which if there is a moral to this story, it is that: “Always check the amount before you sign. D’oh!” And as many times as she told me, while my receipt and refund for said error was printing out, in different variations (what is it with women, first The Wife and now The Manager, do they think we can’t hear? We hear all right, just what we want to hear, of course), it is something I do now with due diligence.

This all leads me to the denouement of the story, which arrived yesterday in the following fashion:

I had a wicked allergy headache

— which actually I still have and has carried over until today, but since I can’t get rid of it, I figured what the hey…it’s like “might as well go for a soda, nobody cares” — and yes, I know the lyrics — well, I do now after Googling it — are actually

might as well go for a soda nobody hurts and nobody cries
might as well go for a soda nobody drowns and nobody dies

again, I digress (if you missed the title, it’s ramblings — back to the denouement)–

and needed to get some generic Tylenol sinus (still not a corporate shill, because I buy generic) at the dollar store in the midst of my travels.

I go to pull out my credit/debit card and…

yep, you guessed it, it’s not there. The only place I remember stopping where I bought anything — and I check the receipts later — was the…minitmart.

After double-checking at home to make sure it didn’t fall out of my wallet somehow or I didn’t leave it on the desk, accidentally using the wrong card to make one of those brown paper bag package purchases (I like alliteration, don’t you?), I call the minitmart. The manager (more alliteration coming) answers and tells me that yes, after running my card yesterday morning, she forgot to give it back to me.

Of all the places for this to happen, I tell her.

And of all the people for it to happen to, she tells me.

When I pick up the card, she tells me (jokingly, I hope) not to worry about if any extra charges show up on the card.

I’m just waiting for this weekend’s question from The Wife: “What is THIS?!?

“Um…”

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8 responses to “Always check the amount before you sign — d’oh.

  1. I’ve been going to a new gas station recently for the sole reason that the gas is cheap, and I’ve noticed that the total always seems to be obstructed by the gas hose. Thus, I still ask for a receipt, even though I’m paying with cash, and even though this extends my stay at the station.

    Regarding saying “Um” a lot…I just love voice mail playback. It allows me to count my ums, and then re-record my message without the ums. I love that!!

  2. I keep stumbling over “thesaurize”, trying to figure out just how to pronounce it. I repeat it different ways in my head.

    Great, now MY head hurts. Can you throw me that bottle of non-corporate-shilled generic Dollar Store medication?

  3. great story – glad you got your cash back! whew!

  4. Funny story, but you might want to thesaurize the term for “kerchief-head-covered” employee.

  5. My wife sent me back to the grocery store the other day because I paid $8 for a tiny freaking bag of cherries my kid talked me into buying that I didn’t even want in the first place – without even thinking that $12 for a gallon of milk and some cherries was… um (yes, I use it too)… a bit much.

    Have you ever tried to return produce based only on the premise that you were too stupid to realize how expensive it was? Um… yeah, humiliating is right.

  6. 1> Your new banner is awesome.

    2> He is kidding, Sister Woman. Ratchet it down a notch. You aren’t allowed to threaten to tell mom after age 30.

  7. You really should check it before you sign it.

    Wow. You totally are an idiot.

    I mean I’ve never done anything so dumb.

    Ahem…

    As for the brown paper bag thing…do we need to have a talk about this? Should I be telling mom? Hmmmm…

  8. Actually the bill was $67– they charged us $45 for someone else’s gas. Which totally freaked me the heck out.

    But they gave it back on Monday so all was well.

    “Might as well go for a soda?” Are you sure that is how the song goes? ‘Cause, you know, sometimes pilots come out of the sky and stand there.

    Toots, you sound a little spacy. I think you need a rest.