Miss Snottypants pontificates about the holiness of pens

Last post, The Wife and I were arguing about me being Captain Weather-Genius and MY geography. In this post, I accuse her of stealing my special pen. Again, editorial comments are in brackets.

Me: did you take my pen this morning? My Dr Grip?

The Wife: Now why would I take your pen?
Last night in the car I clipped it to your yellow legal pad.

Me: I don’t know. Maybe you just accidentally picked it up w/o thinking?

The Wife:
No. I don’t have accidents with pens. Ever.
Look outside and make sure you didn’t drop it when you were running in from the rain.

Me: I was just asking. …and I found it, Miss Snottypants.
I don’t have accidents with pens. Ever. Sheesh.
Ever?
Ever.
Ever! Take that. Mrs. Smartypants. I don’t have accidents with pens. [She was Miss before, but now Mrs. and smart, on top of it, I’m really stepping up my rhetoric.]
Ever.
la de freaking da. [the ultimate comeback]

The Wife: Nope. Pens are like the chalice. [we’re Catholic and I serve communion, but pens aren’t holy objects. Jeebus!]
You just don’t go swinging it around.
One at a time until they are empty.

Me: Yeah, but most of the time you just keep it locked up in the tabernacle in your case so they’re never used anyway. At least I use my pens [It’s true; she has her “secret” stash in the bottom of her dresser drawer, which really isn’t all that “secret” — of course, now she’ll go hide them, but I don’t care since I’ve got my Dr. Grip, so bite me, Miss Snottypants.]

The Wife: Yes they are (used) ONE AT A TIME UNTIL THEY ARE EMPTY.

Me: OMG! you are so serious today. You don’t have to shout.
You’re such a pen purist.

The Wife: I’m not serious.

Me: You worship pens don’t you?
You have like a little shrine at work to pens, don’t you? [I think she does, right alongside her shrine to John Cusack, whom she loves]

The Wife: Nope. I keep the good ones on my person.

Me: I would, but they stopped making the Giga pen. [see posts here and there]

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If you like me are unhappy about Scripto no longer making the Giga pen, then go here to complain.

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5 responses to “Miss Snottypants pontificates about the holiness of pens

  1. Pingback: A few of my wife’s favorite things (for me to leave alone) « An unfinished person (in this unfinished universe)

  2. Pingback: A few of my wife’s favorite things (for me to leave alone) « unfinished rambling(s)

  3. I wouldn’t mind but he’s ridiculous with pens. Uses them, loses them. Like they are plotting to leap out of his hand and roll into some disused corner as soon as his attention wanders elsewhere. They litter his car, his pockets, I occasionally find them reclining on his side of the bed. I’ve washed them, tripped over them, sat on them in the car. I use a pen until its completely empty. One at a time. If that makes me anal, so be it.

  4. Well, I for one am glad to know that my husband and I aren’t the only ones out there fighting about crazy things. Also? I’m taking her side, just so you know.

  5. I HATE that you put me in the middle of this, but if your wife has an alter to John Cusack, I’m going to have to side with her on this one.