Last post, The Wife and I were arguing about me being Captain Weather-Genius and MY geography. In this post, I accuse her of stealing my special pen. Again, editorial comments are in brackets.
Me: did you take my pen this morning? My Dr Grip?
The Wife: Now why would I take your pen?
Last night in the car I clipped it to your yellow legal pad.
Me: I don’t know. Maybe you just accidentally picked it up w/o thinking?
The Wife: No. I don’t have accidents with pens. Ever.
Look outside and make sure you didn’t drop it when you were running in from the rain.
Me: I was just asking. …and I found it, Miss Snottypants.
I don’t have accidents with pens. Ever. Sheesh.
Ever! Take that. Mrs. Smartypants. I don’t have accidents with pens. [She was Miss before, but now Mrs. and smart, on top of it, I’m really stepping up my rhetoric.]
la de freaking da. [the ultimate comeback]
The Wife: Nope. Pens are like the chalice. [we’re Catholic and I serve communion, but pens aren’t holy objects. Jeebus!]
You just don’t go swinging it around.
One at a time until they are empty.
Me: Yeah, but most of the time you just keep it locked up in the tabernacle in your case so they’re never used anyway. At least I use my pens [It’s true; she has her “secret” stash in the bottom of her dresser drawer, which really isn’t all that “secret” — of course, now she’ll go hide them, but I don’t care since I’ve got my Dr. Grip, so bite me, Miss Snottypants.]
The Wife: Yes they are (used) ONE AT A TIME UNTIL THEY ARE EMPTY.
Me: OMG! you are so serious today. You don’t have to shout.
You’re such a pen purist.
The Wife: I’m not serious.
Me: You worship pens don’t you?
You have like a little shrine at work to pens, don’t you? [I think she does, right alongside her shrine to John Cusack, whom she loves]
The Wife: Nope. I keep the good ones on my person.
If you like me are unhappy about Scripto no longer making the Giga pen, then go here to complain.
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