…blogger. That’s right. Sorry, for those of you looking how to be a supercalifragilisticexpialidcious lover, you’re at the wrong place. The Ominous Comma threw down the gauntlet to his favorite bloggers to write a funny post that included helpful technical tips or educational material to help new bloggers. Since I am not an established humor blogger and responded only once to one of his posts with a comment, which for some reason wasn’t approved by him. I suppose I’m not erudite enough for him, even though I have a college diploma too (let’s not talk about GPAs, though, please), or maybe it’s that I never served in the military like he did, so maybe I’m not tough enough. Whatever…but I still like the guy enough to respond to this meme even though I wasn’t tagged by his almighty, droll self (and whom I shouldn’t even begin to pick on, because not only will he kick my ass, but he’ll kick my ass authoritatively). Since venturing forth into the blogosphere, lo, these last trio of years, and having had at least six blogs, five of which are still sailing the seas of the blogosphere here, here is a little of what I’ve learned thus far (and still am learning as you shall see) in my journey (in no particular order):
- For each article in an enhanced feed, show full feed. I learned this today from a friend, who sent me this message: “First: THANK YOU for updating your RSS feed so it displays your whole post instead of a snippet.” No one wants to read a half-assed post in a feed. They want the whole ass, baby, either in all its bootylicious glory or in all its butt-ugliness ugliness with the pimples and all. Once people see it, they won’t want to turn away, either because of its luminosity or its offensiveness like this crazy crack whore.
Another reason is you might see the first pagraph and shrug your shoulders, but then you realize like Jeff in Coupling, there is not only the word “breasts” but also pictures of breasts, though sometimes if you’re like Leigh Online you can get rid of ambiguity from the start with a great title like this: show us your t*ts!!, for which half-assed feed or not, you want to click on, especially if you’re a guy or hey, you could be a lesbian for all I know, who am I to judge? which in a roundabout, rambling way brings me to
- Titles: Have a title that will catch people’s eyes in a feed so even if you only give your readers a half-assed feed, they’ll still want to read it…
Like this one: Wanted: Your Witty Responses (which makes me think “Hey, I can be witty and I can respond, maybe he’s talking to me.”)
Or like this: Celebrities I Have Dreamed About (ooh, almost as good as Leigh’s in tantalizing the reader to click there, isn’t it?)
Or this one: Death by Strangulation (What would make a person want to strangle somebody? I’d like to know. Oh, that, Catherinette. I see. I don’t blame you.)
But this one, Playin’ Catch Up that begins with “It’s been 10 days since I posted…” I mean, yadda yadda, we’ve all been there, but you’re already breaking another thing I’ve learned post regularly (I mean, look at this blog as a shining, nay, luminous example of that).
I’m also a member of a another group here in the blogosphere, a book blogging group, where all some do is post the headline by the group The Sunday Salon. While it is required of posts, why not add something to it to catch readers’ eyes? We already know to whom you’re writing, but which book or books are you going to discuss, book beyotches (which is another tip if you’re a humor blogger, don’t use too much vulgarity unless you’re established like the beyotches already mentioned)? Why should I read on? Which is what you might be thinking at this point. So let me get to my third tip:
- Graphics. Include them, even if it’s totally random like this:
One, which not planned, has breasts. I only clicked like three times (honest, honey, and uh, sorry, Mom). Well, I had some other tips, but now I’ve lost my train of thought completely for some reason.