Status update: Not writing the Great American Blog Entry

Continuing in the electronic vein from e-mails to status updates:

A sampling of statuses from friends and family on Facebook/Gmail: and what I thought off the top of my head as I saw them (and with names left out, so I’m really not mocking any of them — well, okay, maybe a little)

  • new blog entry: update on 100 things to do list (write new blog entry)
  • wishes Keith Olbermann would shut it (shut what? the do’? keep out the debil?)
  • out for a trail run, shower then WICKEDNESS!! (not just your normal type of mischief, mind you, but WICKEDNESS!!)
  • is tired….zzzzz (I’m tired of z’s too, I think we should ban them all)
  • is drinking coffee (that would probably help the person above)
  • is looking forward to vacation (aren’t we all, girlfriend?)
  • is off for 2 days! (why don’t you just go ahead and rub it in to the person above?)
  • is wishing she could just read her book and not have to work today (amen)
  • is ready for summer! (it begins June 21)
  • is going to camp in 5 days…. (nothing like being sent off to boot camp)
  • is so stoked about the pens. They deserved this one. Now on to game 6!! (at first, I thought this was another person stoked about writing implements like me, but then realized just missing caps button)
  • wonders what tomorrow holds for her (it’s only a day away)
  • is glad it’s a workday tomorrow! I need a break! (wait? is glad it’s a workday tomorrow? you need a break? huh?)
  • is excited about the UPUMC Godspell Tour! (I might be too, if I knew what UPUMC was, is that a cult?)
  • is feeling the aftermath of the wedding (you don’t have to tell me about that, been there, done that. at least I’m not like those guys in Wedding Crashers, which — aside — I’m sure my wife is also thankful for too, because I’d be in deep doo-doo)
  • is so happy her honey is home (cue porno music)
  • just finished “Politics of Freedom” by David Boaz. Best book I’ve read in a long time. Absolutely brilliant. Everyone should read it. (but we’re free not to also, isn’t that Boaz’s thesis?)
  • sunburned in my cube (weird mix of metaphors: sunburned in like an ice cube?)
  • thinks the people at the bank are stupid (so…why are they stupid exactly?)
  • having a sunshine day (well, la de freaking da, it’s raining here, sister)
  • is waiting for a new battery (I need a charge in my life too)
  • is breathing (that’s always good)
  • placing 10 pounds of fertilizer in a 5 pound receptacle (no parenthetical comment needed)

and drum roll, the winner of the day (from a friend of my wife)

  • fetchez la vache (for you non-Monty Python fans, a scene from the Holy Grail, in which a French guard says “fetch the cow” for a catapult)

The question I have is when did everybody have to suddenly know everybody’s status every second of the day? Yes, I’m on Facebook and even Twitter, but I don’t update them all the time. If I did, my status history might look like this:

  • going from horizontal to vertical
  • scratching self — well, you really don’t need to know where or with what, I’ll leave that to your what I can only imagine are sick imaginations
  • turning off alarm clock with ear
  • taking off pjs, yeah, I still wear pjs, you got a problem with that, at least, I’m not like some of you who wear your spouse’s clothes to bed, all right, or worse yet, your children’s
  • putting on work clothes for day (for me as a freelance writer, who works at home, usually same pair of pjs: Jeff Gordon, if you must know, and one of hundreds of foot race t-shirts I own)
  • walking to bathroom to…well, you really don’t need to know everything, do you? I’ve already gone there before in this blog too many times…let’s just say it could be 1 out of…well, you get the idea
  • washing hands because cleanliness…well, you know…
  • getting a bowl of high fiber cereal and orange juice so I can be sure to go back to the little room I just left
  • checking e-mail to see what your status is
  • checking Facebook to check what your status is
  • checking Twitter to see what your status is
  • playing a game of Scramble/PathWords/WordTwist on Facebook
  • checking in with my SparkPeople peeps
  • checking in on my blogs to see if anybody is actually reading these darned things
  • hello, is there anybody out there?
  • just comment if you can read this
  • writing the Great American Blog Entry
  • picking nose and writing the Great American Blog Entry
  • uh, working on editing book for neighbor like I told her I would, uh, yeah, that’s what I’m doing, that’s the ticket
  • not playing game of Scramble/Pathwords/WordTwist on Facebook
  • not picking nose and not writing the Great American Blog Entry
  • out to lunch figuratively hehe
  • out to lunch literally no hehe
  • liquid lunch — SlimFast shake what did you think it was it’s the middle of the afternoon darn it
  • run up Mount Tom, okay crawl up Mount Tom on hands and knees and run down Mount Tom
  • uh, working again on editing book for neighbor like I told her I would, uh, yeah, that’s what I’m doing
  • not playing game of Scramble/Pathwords/WordTwist on Facebook
  • not picking nose and not writing the Great American Blog Entry
  • getting ready for five-hour school board work session by examining back of eyelids with cat assisting on lap
  • putting on dress pants, shirt, tie and shoes for meeting
  • grabbing sub at Subway before attending five-hour school board work session
  • attending five-hour school board work session, taking off tie midway through, because I’m already being stifled here like Edith
  • writing up and e-mailing scintillating account of five-hour school board work session without quotes because paper for which I work doesn’t like quotes so why the heck should I include them anyway if they’re not going to use them anyway? I mean, would you use quotes if…blah blah blah
  • saying g’night to wife before imbibing well-deserved Canadian Mist and Coke
  • playing game of Scramble, etc. too tired to write out all those other games now because that would be too much work
  • checking on your status via Facebook/Twitter/E-mail
  • pestering you now at 11:30 p.m. via Facebook/G-mail Chat
  • visiting little room again
  • putting on pjs (Kyle Busch pjs this time just to mix it up and piss off all the hardcore 24 fans — haha
  • going from vertical to horizontal
  • setting alarm clock with toes
  • falling asleep as I scratch myself — again, you really don’t need to know where or with what, but I will say sometimes the cat inadvertently scratches my itch as he stretches out between my knees to go to sleep too
  • having dream with you in it, which is weird enough that you’re in it, because heck, I’ve never even met you except online, but that you’re dressed up like an astronaut, heck, that’s even stranger.

4 responses to “Status update: Not writing the Great American Blog Entry

  1. Repeat after me. Full. Time. Job.

    😉

    I love you, honey.

  2. hey, at least I made the top of the list!

  3. unfinishedperson

    No, don’t worry, you weren’t in there…this time. Next time, I go to this magic well, though, I’ll use ya. 😉

  4. Phew. I’m just glad I’m not mentioned in that first list! Or am I…. I’m going to go check again!