Wife on cell phone on way home from work

So we were talking about drugs and on that subject, sort of, in a roundabout way, of course, otherwise, why else would this be called a ramble? Remember from previous posts: rhetorical. Anyhoo…on the subject of drugs, because my wife was going to the Wal-Mart pharmacy when we had the following phone conversation: or should I say partly a running stream-of-consciousness monologue into which I only was able to break a couple of key times?:

Wife: Why do people just decide to walk out in front of you as if you’re not even there?

Me: So you’re in Mansfield?

Wife: Yeah I’m passing the church there on the corner and now the funeral home and oh the flowers are so pretty and there’s the bank and the church don’t forget to cross yourself when you pass and the fire hall I wish someone was there to ask if my piano is tuned that reminds me I need to call Sue Cook…

Me: Wait. Fire hall and tune the piano? Huh?

Wife: It’s a long story oh I’ll tell you I had to call and see if they had a piano because we’re having a concert there next week and we need to make sure the piano is tuned first see I remembered last weekend when I was at that accident where that guy died in the motorcycle accident we were standing over the guy when I suddenly remembered and pulled out my cell phone to check the date of the concert and then I asked the guys there if they knew anyone who knew how to tune a piano and they said what are you talking to us is she talking to us…

Me: Wait. You were at the accident scene where that man died and you were talking about a piano?

Wife: Well you have to do something to keep your mind off it…

A few minutes later, she called me from THE Wal-Mart, and when I say THE Wal-Mart, I do mean, THE Wal-Mart, because in our county of only 40,000 or so people, it is THE only Wal-Mart in the entire county, but anyhoo, while there, she calls me to ask me if we need any drink mix (hell, yeah, I’m thinking now, I definitely could go for a drink after that first conversation, but unfortunately, she means the tea kind). The last part of the conversation I hear from her before I hang up is again a location check: “I’m in aisle 8 right now...”

Thanks, hon, I was just thinking I wonder if she’s in aisle 8, because I really need a LOBOTOMY! Have they got that there?

And while I thought this blog entry might be over, she calls me once more:

Wife: Why is Wal-Mart such a freak show? Why do I always get stuck in the aisles with smelly people and screaming little kids? It’s like I get stuck in the aisle with someone with incontinence. Why? Why? (Again, I’m reminded of the word rhetorical. What goes around comes around, huh?) And then I can’t find my car for five minutes when I get out. By the way, I’m passing…


One response to “Wife on cell phone on way home from work

  1. jonnymommy

    This is so awful and funny at the same time….